re: Thesmophoria- I was struck by how much guilt the author felt: "kept meticulous track of every mistake," "a finite number of times one could break someone's heart before it hardened to you," (pg 37), "as if I'd crumpled her heart and tossed it away" (pg 47) and I could relate to that in many ways. I think a lot of my actions now are trying to overcompensate and/or atone for my previous shortcomings.
Yet, her mother would always welcome her back. Not support her decisions, but support her, the person, the daughter. "You could never lose me. I will love you every day of your life. There is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you." (pg 53) was so lovely to read. Maybe all of us just need to feel that we are loved unconditionally- to have that person.
Through the author's (and many of our own) teenage and young adult years, there was this cycle of trust between parent and child to allow for the freedom to explore the world outside their home, and in that distance there is a vulnerability. "There was nothing she could do," (pg 42) when her daughter got involved in drugs, sex for attention/money/escape, etc. How difficult it must be to let go of the person who you will always love unconditionally and have no say in the decisions he/she makes! And if you try to pursue, the cycle is furthered by withdrawing away. [If you found this theme interesting, you should watch the movie 'Beautiful Boy' with Steve Carrell and Timothy Chalamet- it was heart-wrenchingly good]
I loved the Greek references. It was poetic yet personal (based on author's Greek heritage). [If you enjoyed these interwoven narratives, you should read 'The Magus" by by John Fowles] As an aside, the references to honey, or Meli, is the root of Mellitus as in Diabetes Mellitus wherein you have problems controlling sugar/glucose. Ancient greek doctors would diagnose this by drinking the patient's urine, and if it was sweet, they had DM. Not-so-Fun Fact.
While I had a lot of positive things to say about Thesmophoria, I cannot say the same for Xanadu. For a short story published in a collection with a title, "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About," I was surprised that he didn't arrive at this point until the end- (pg 72) "I never told her about this because I was sure I was protecting her...I was her other hand; she needed me." This sentiment is beautiful but buried beneath a "fast forward" and "rewind" style of memoir that didn't land. If it had opened with, "I waited 35 years before I spoke of this to my mom," or "I don't tell things to my mom to protect her," it would be a much more compelling chapter of this book.
I found it unnecessary to start with the experience of being a survivor of sexual abuse only to find out later that it truly started with the skating accident (hence the title 'Xanadu') and the author's perceived guilt for his family's tragedy. If the title of the short story is Xanadu, start with that.....then follow the linear timeline, progressing through his own struggles of feeling like an outsider ('too sensitive' 'too queer' 'too Asian' etc pg 69), when he began being groomed by his predator, his disordered eating, the loss of his dear friend struggling through suicide, etc.
What a well written story of unconditional love. Don’t we all regret some things from our past? “The story is used to explain the cycle of seasons, of life.” (P55) The preteen to adolescent years were extremely difficult for me as a mother, so I could relate to that particular part of her story. I thoroughly enjoyed the ending where they had planned this elaborate trip to Italy and with miscommunication had to reschedule a year later. And as she returned home and looked through her pictures/videos came across a video phone camera recording upside down, it reminded me again of something I would have done! But those are the memories and you can’t take those away!
were the preteen/adolescent years difficult for you because it's generally a difficult age to relate to? because we were particularly bad? because of other life stressors/events?
Because of the way we were spaced out, you really had to deal with teenagers for like 12 years! I can't even begin to imagine what Michael and Michelle will have to deal with!
re: Thesmophoria- I was struck by how much guilt the author felt: "kept meticulous track of every mistake," "a finite number of times one could break someone's heart before it hardened to you," (pg 37), "as if I'd crumpled her heart and tossed it away" (pg 47) and I could relate to that in many ways. I think a lot of my actions now are trying to overcompensate and/or atone for my previous shortcomings.
ReplyDeleteYet, her mother would always welcome her back. Not support her decisions, but support her, the person, the daughter. "You could never lose me. I will love you every day of your life. There is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you." (pg 53) was so lovely to read. Maybe all of us just need to feel that we are loved unconditionally- to have that person.
Through the author's (and many of our own) teenage and young adult years, there was this cycle of trust between parent and child to allow for the freedom to explore the world outside their home, and in that distance there is a vulnerability. "There was nothing she could do," (pg 42) when her daughter got involved in drugs, sex for attention/money/escape, etc. How difficult it must be to let go of the person who you will always love unconditionally and have no say in the decisions he/she makes! And if you try to pursue, the cycle is furthered by withdrawing away. [If you found this theme interesting, you should watch the movie 'Beautiful Boy' with Steve Carrell and Timothy Chalamet- it was heart-wrenchingly good]
I loved the Greek references. It was poetic yet personal (based on author's Greek heritage). [If you enjoyed these interwoven narratives, you should read 'The Magus" by by John Fowles] As an aside, the references to honey, or Meli, is the root of Mellitus as in Diabetes Mellitus wherein you have problems controlling sugar/glucose. Ancient greek doctors would diagnose this by drinking the patient's urine, and if it was sweet, they had DM. Not-so-Fun Fact.
While I had a lot of positive things to say about Thesmophoria, I cannot say the same for Xanadu. For a short story published in a collection with a title, "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About," I was surprised that he didn't arrive at this point until the end- (pg 72) "I never told her about this because I was sure I was protecting her...I was her other hand; she needed me." This sentiment is beautiful but buried beneath a "fast forward" and "rewind" style of memoir that didn't land. If it had opened with, "I waited 35 years before I spoke of this to my mom," or "I don't tell things to my mom to protect her," it would be a much more compelling chapter of this book.
ReplyDeleteI found it unnecessary to start with the experience of being a survivor of sexual abuse only to find out later that it truly started with the skating accident (hence the title 'Xanadu') and the author's perceived guilt for his family's tragedy. If the title of the short story is Xanadu, start with that.....then follow the linear timeline, progressing through his own struggles of feeling like an outsider ('too sensitive' 'too queer' 'too Asian' etc pg 69), when he began being groomed by his predator, his disordered eating, the loss of his dear friend struggling through suicide, etc.
What a well written story of unconditional love. Don’t we all regret some things from our past?
ReplyDelete“The story is used to explain the cycle of seasons, of life.” (P55) The preteen to adolescent years were extremely difficult for me as a mother, so I could relate to that particular part of her story. I thoroughly enjoyed the ending where they had planned this elaborate trip to Italy and with miscommunication had to reschedule a year later. And as she returned home and looked through her pictures/videos came across a video phone camera recording upside down, it reminded me again of something I would have done! But those are the memories and you can’t take those away!
were the preteen/adolescent years difficult for you because it's generally a difficult age to relate to? because we were particularly bad? because of other life stressors/events?
DeleteBecause of the way we were spaced out, you really had to deal with teenagers for like 12 years! I can't even begin to imagine what Michael and Michelle will have to deal with!